Crushed Dreams
I’m a hundred percent sure that just any other male bloggers out there (and perhaps, female bloggers too), I dreamed of being a superhero (or any fictional character) with unique powers during my childhood years. Who would not want to be powerful and have the ability to defy the law of gravity just like Super Man? I’m betting that you’ve got jealous with your friend when she claimed that she’s Pink Ranger. Or perhaps, you imagined yourself as Snow White waiting for the Prince’s kiss when you were a kid. Ah, I can still smell the novelty of those days. If only Harry Potter was introduced to the world way back before my birth, I’m sure, I would have dreamed of having a scar on my forehead and having a wand. All of us have dreamed of something stupid (including the wearing of tights) and something we know will not happen in real life (like having unnatural superpowers). But that’s forgivable. We were kids back then, and you now know how wild our minds can go back then.
I can still remember when I graduated from pre-school, we were required to state our dream career, as if we hold the future and can predict what would become of us after our life as pupils and students. What I answered was either I wanted to become a dentist or a doctor. During those years, I’ve also fantasized of being an astronaut and a firefighter. I really don’t know why I fantasized those things. Probably, those were the occupations I’ve always seen in the TV.
I guess, I was forced to make an essay about the future — the title varies, like “X Years From Now” and “In the Near Future” — when I was in first grade. Actually, I’ve grown tired of writing such essay. Predicting the future is not really for me — crystal ball, tarot card and palm readings are not my thing. Hehe. Since then, I’ve always written that I wanted to have my own house (a mansion if possible, haha) and car, my own family, and be a successful *insert occupation here*, and of course, be rich. But that was revised back in first year high school. Instead of writing the occupation that I wanted, I wrote “… and have a good job in the future.” instead. I didn’t specify the work I wanted anymore. That is because that was time when I started to have a doubt about my future. I really didn’t have an idea where to go. Suddenly, the path was gone and I can’t control the steering wheel.
Miraculously, the winding and rocky road was back, just in time for my application in various universities during my final year in high school. I’ve come to a decision what course I wanted to take. The only mistake that I made was that I allowed my father to get inside my small car. He tried to pull my hands from the steering wheel and he even threw me to the back seat. But wait, that’s not all. He tugged all the seat belts of my car and he made sure I won’t be able to escape from them.
I bargained with him, I asked him if I could still control my car, besides, it is my car. He agreed with me. I planned to get out of my car. But it was a trap. He told me that I shattered his dreams when I almost decided to get out of my car and shifted to another course. And that was the last thing I wanted to hear from him. I will never forget that day when he told me that. The thing is, he has crushed my dreams.
Now, I’m suffering from the things he has done. My humble car has suffered from damages for the past two years and I still have to struggle for another two years. I still don’t want this course that he chose for me. Right now, I’m still on the back seat of my car, trying to reach for the window’s controller and crank it down so I could breathe fresh air.
Yes, that’s right. I still haven’t learned how to love my course… and I still have plans to shift to another course, even though I’m already a third year college student. But some part of me thinks that it will be impossible. My dad won’t let that happen. Perhaps, he’d permanently glue me on my seat if I were to mention about any of my plans.
But of course, I’ve already made my Plan Z. The plan that will save me from falling off a cliff. But tonight is not the right time to mention it. All I can say is that it’s a tricky maneuver and I have to wait for the finish line to do it.
Dreaming is free, I know. And dreams should not be something that is plausible, what’s important is that we know how to dream.
