Crushed Dreams
I’m a hundred percent sure that just any other male bloggers out there (and perhaps, female bloggers too), I dreamed of being a superhero (or any fictional character) with unique powers during my childhood years. Who would not want to be powerful and have the ability to defy the law of gravity just like Super Man? I’m betting that you’ve got jealous with your friend when she claimed that she’s Pink Ranger. Or perhaps, you imagined yourself as Snow White waiting for the Prince’s kiss when you were a kid. Ah, I can still smell the novelty of those days. If only Harry Potter was introduced to the world way back before my birth, I’m sure, I would have dreamed of having a scar on my forehead and having a wand. All of us have dreamed of something stupid (including the wearing of tights) and something we know will not happen in real life (like having unnatural superpowers). But that’s forgivable. We were kids back then, and you now know how wild our minds can go back then.
I can still remember when I graduated from pre-school, we were required to state our dream career, as if we hold the future and can predict what would become of us after our life as pupils and students. What I answered was either I wanted to become a dentist or a doctor. During those years, I’ve also fantasized of being an astronaut and a firefighter. I really don’t know why I fantasized those things. Probably, those were the occupations I’ve always seen in the TV.
I guess, I was forced to make an essay about the future — the title varies, like “X Years From Now” and “In the Near Future” — when I was in first grade. Actually, I’ve grown tired of writing such essay. Predicting the future is not really for me — crystal ball, tarot card and palm readings are not my thing. Hehe. Since then, I’ve always written that I wanted to have my own house (a mansion if possible, haha) and car, my own family, and be a successful *insert occupation here*, and of course, be rich. But that was revised back in first year high school. Instead of writing the occupation that I wanted, I wrote “… and have a good job in the future.” instead. I didn’t specify the work I wanted anymore. That is because that was time when I started to have a doubt about my future. I really didn’t have an idea where to go. Suddenly, the path was gone and I can’t control the steering wheel.
Miraculously, the winding and rocky road was back, just in time for my application in various universities during my final year in high school. I’ve come to a decision what course I wanted to take. The only mistake that I made was that I allowed my father to get inside my small car. He tried to pull my hands from the steering wheel and he even threw me to the back seat. But wait, that’s not all. He tugged all the seat belts of my car and he made sure I won’t be able to escape from them.
I bargained with him, I asked him if I could still control my car, besides, it is my car. He agreed with me. I planned to get out of my car. But it was a trap. He told me that I shattered his dreams when I almost decided to get out of my car and shifted to another course. And that was the last thing I wanted to hear from him. I will never forget that day when he told me that. The thing is, he has crushed my dreams.
Now, I’m suffering from the things he has done. My humble car has suffered from damages for the past two years and I still have to struggle for another two years. I still don’t want this course that he chose for me. Right now, I’m still on the back seat of my car, trying to reach for the window’s controller and crank it down so I could breathe fresh air.
Yes, that’s right. I still haven’t learned how to love my course… and I still have plans to shift to another course, even though I’m already a third year college student. But some part of me thinks that it will be impossible. My dad won’t let that happen. Perhaps, he’d permanently glue me on my seat if I were to mention about any of my plans.
But of course, I’ve already made my Plan Z. The plan that will save me from falling off a cliff. But tonight is not the right time to mention it. All I can say is that it’s a tricky maneuver and I have to wait for the finish line to do it.
Dreaming is free, I know. And dreams should not be something that is plausible, what’s important is that we know how to dream.
July 12, 2008 @ 11:32 pm
aww…
how horrible is that…
i hope you can pursue your dream in the near future…
July 13, 2008 @ 12:57 am
malakas ang impluwensiya sa akin ng mga pinapanuod ko noong bata ako. kaya minsan, iniimagine ko na may ray-gun din ako tulad ni eugene at nakakakilos ng mabilis tulad ni vincent. naisip ko na rin na maging isang cyborg at magkaron ng superweapons sa aking katawan. at bukod tangi sa lahat, ang maging isang sex machine.
pero teka, kung nasa ikatlong taon ka na ng kolehiyo sa iyong apat na taong kurso, nakakapanghinayang ata kung mag shift ka pa.
goodluck sa iyong plan z ah.
July 13, 2008 @ 11:46 am
not ‘feeling” your course is a common thing. i suppose it’s just momentary. but it’s okay if you’d dislike it for the rest of yer college stay. i mean, your future would highly depend o your diskarte after grad. am i making sense?
PS i always though that i was a member of the x-men. lol.
July 14, 2008 @ 7:33 am
When reaching your dreams, it’s never always late. I am in my senior year when I decided to quit college and pursue my dream of being a web designer. I’m still in the process of course. hehehe
I can’t say that I didn’t like my previous course but it wasn’t my dream course. .
If ever you’re going to shift to another course or stay with your current, Good luck.
July 15, 2008 @ 12:08 pm
Yeah, I use to dream that I have hidden magical powers just like harry potter’s. :]] It does sound funny but what the heck, I still haven’t given up on my dream of having my own invisibility cloak. hahahaha. :]]
I think it is normal for someone taking up a course that he doesn’t like to be like that. To not to love it. I would definitely feel like stabbing myself if ever I’ll be force to take a course I’d despise for the rest of my life. But then again, it wouldn’t hurt to try to at least appreciate what you’re learning and/or studying right now.
After college, when you’re working already (if ever you decided to practice what you’ve learned in college) and you have enough money to support yourself and what you want to do… I’m sure you’d be able to do it (whatever is it) freely. :]
July 17, 2008 @ 10:03 am
haha when i was young i didnt dream of becoming a super hero..just super powers like telekinesis
same here! when i was being asked what do i dream of becoming, like other kids..i’d say a doctor. not knowing the reason why. but i dont include it when asked to write an autobiography.
so true…
July 19, 2008 @ 6:45 am
–
hakhak
What is your course anyway?
Asensado ka nga eh, nkakabayad ka sa PLIKOR.
hakhak
Aku nga letsugas na iskolar lang.
hakhak
Parehas tayo, ayheytmaykorstudakor.
hakhak
elyens
XXXxx
July 24, 2008 @ 7:34 am
wow that’s pretty devastating. For your part, of course, and also for others who didnt have a choice either. That would be like wasting your 4 years (or how many years there are required for someone to graduate) in university equivalent to having your life taken away from you.
I’m pretty lucky with my parents. Cuz my dad doesn’t care what course i choose, as long as i finish it. And my mom just wanted me to choose a course that’s financially rewarding, but also one that i would enjoy.
O well. Who says it’s over?
DREAM ON!
July 24, 2008 @ 10:27 pm
Until now, I still dream of having supernatural powers. I just can’t get that out of my system. I just wanna be SUPER.
July 28, 2008 @ 8:46 am
I never thought we’d be sharing the same sentiments.
Okay, I hate my course. It wasn’t the course I want in the first place; UP gave that course to me, and whether I like it or not, I have to take it. UST’s really pricey (and I don’t like there, no offense meant) and I haven’t passed Ateneo (which, btw, is my DREAM school, :ouch:). So there, I studied at UPLB.
Eventually, I liked UPLB. A lot. Like a kid loves his cake. But now, I’m hating my subjects since it’s definitely out of my interests. So I am planning to shift to a course I’m craving for NEXT SEM, else..
Else, I might just file a leave of absence. Yeah, sort of.
Anyway, sorry I babbled a lot. I just never thought someone feels the same.
And I <3 Eugene of Ghost Fighter. I once used my Ray Gun and killed a nun (who happened to be my third-grade Religion teacher) nine years ago. LOL.
July 28, 2008 @ 6:22 pm
When I was younger, I used to think I could learn telekinesis. Haha. And I end up having a headache from forcing myself to think that things would move. :))
July 29, 2008 @ 8:27 pm
Proceed to the course you wish to enroll in after graduating from the one you’re in right now.
August 1, 2008 @ 12:13 am
When I was younger, hindi kami pinapalabas sa bahay. Kahit pumunta man lang sa Park, nada. Even literally going outside the house, hindi pwede. (Lumalaganap pa yung mga kidnappings that time)
And my brother keeps on bugging me all the time. He’s always like, “Kelan mo balak magtransfer sa DLSU-M?” or something.
But look on the bright side, you can still do what you want. Good luck on the “Plan Z” *your sinister laugh*
August 1, 2008 @ 11:31 am
I used to dream that one day I’d be like Pink Power Ranger or Ultraman’s female sidekick. Meron din yung pangarap ko maging mala-Peter Pan. Lam mo yun, flying and fairy dust! Hahaha
August 4, 2008 @ 5:18 am
awwww i love this writing of yours
i dont know exactly what you want in your life but you should set your mind now since you are now in 3rd year before it too late. I always wonder why all the students seems to be unfocused during this time of adolescent. I was like you during my college days and I regret why I didn’t take what I really want to… i’ve wasted many years in school before I got into the real world. what i mean is that wag mo sayangin buhay mo sa school. isipin mo na ngayon kung ano talaga gusto mo at pwede din sumabay ka nalang sa agos ng gusto ng magulang mo total pag-graduate ka na at least naman siguro you’re free to decide what you really want to.
Good luck sa buhay mo
August 4, 2008 @ 1:32 pm
Hehe. Dati, I want to become Red Ranger. Wala lang. Saka ‘yung bida sa Five Man, Jet Man at kung anu-ano pa.
Medyo marami na akong stories na narinig about sa mga ganyang klase ng college life. Even my bestfriend was a victim of it. She didn’t want to pursue Political Science, but her parents insisted her to do so. She wasn’t allowed to shift to Fine Arts (her dream course), but she tried. And when her parents found out that she didn’t pass the talent test, natuwa pa raw. Ayun. She had no choice but to finish PolSci. However, she really love pursuing Fine Arts so baka mag-second course siya or mag-take ng ilang subjects related to Fine Arts. I dunno how it feels to study things that don’t interest you, but from my point of view, just finish it for the meantime. Anyway, when you’re old enough to financially maintain yourself, you can do whatever you want. Although parang sayang lang din sa oras kapag ganun. It’s still different if you’ve taken the right course from the start. Pero wala naman sigurong sayang kung gusto mo.
Kaya mo ‘yan! 